Kathleen, Queen of the Desert

Originally published in LLL of Western Pennsylvania’s PennsyLLL Points West, Autumn 1999

Leaders get frustrated with side conversations during many different kinds of La Leche League meetings. However, there may be a side conversation we’re having ourselves that is every bit as distracting and irritating. It’s through our own body language.

Respect and control are modeled when a Leader at a meeting is focused in mind and body on other speakers at a meeting. Consider the following:

Take care of your body comforts before the meeting begins. Arrange your coat, purse, tote bags, fill your drink container, and settle yourself before mothers expect your attention.

Wait for a logical break to move about the room. A drink, search for a library book, or trip to the bathroom should be planned in a down time that is respectful to attendees.

Avoid upstaging. Upstaging is when an actress moves to the rear of the stage (“upstage”) while another actor is speaking his lines to the actress, forcing the actor to face away from the audience. In more general usage, it describes drawing attention to yourself at the expense of someone else. At an LLL meeting, it might be considered upstaging if you make funny faces at a toddler or flip through a book while your co-Leader or another mother is speaking, thus inviting others to look at you when they should be focusing on the speaker.

Control your eyes and your head. Keep your head and eyes turned to where you desire the Group’s attention to be. Concentrate on minimizing your own sensitivity to distractions. If you turn your head to look at every young child’s movement or every small sound in the hallway, the Group may follow your distracted lead. Rolling your eyes at your co-Leader when a mother mentions (for example) a local doctor gives an impression of disrespect.

Use your hands slowly and deliberately. Keep your attention and head focused when you attend to necessary disruptions like passing the sign-in sheet or showing a latecomer to her seat. Avoid fiddling with your hair, rubbing your eyes, or adjusting your clothes. Concentrate on relaxing your hands. Extra jewelry, barrettes, rings, or bracelets—accessories that invite extra fidgeting—might be better left at home.

Interact with children with care. Although attendees may enjoy watching your loving interaction with your own (or someone else’s) child some of the time during the meeting, constant goo-goo eyes, swaying, whispering, and moth, hand, and body movements with that child may be very distracting. It might say, “I’d rather be at home alone with my baby.” It may also appear to be competitive to some mothers. La Leche League Leaders are not there to put on a performance of good mothering for attendees.

Your quiet face, focused eyes, and relaxed hands and body project a respectful focus when other mothers or Leaders are talking. This is a side conversation you can control!