Kathleen, Queen of the Desert

Originally published in LLL of Western Pennsylvania’s PennsyLLL Points West, March 2000

As you start your Series Meeting discussion, you notice that the woman next to you is having trouble getting her newborn to latch on. As the minutes go by and she continues to struggle with her pillows, positioning, and her baby, she looks to you. You’re still trying to lead the discussion on preparing for a good birth experience. What do you do?

Or, you notice during the Group’s discussion of weaning that a mother new to the Group is making some negative comments about her toddler’s behavior. This mother finally roughly grabs the child and hurries into the hallway of your meeting place. You’re still in the middle of a discussion about extended nursing and weaning. What can you do?

Two of the responsibilities of a La Leche League Leader are to help mothers one on one and to plan and lead monthly Series Meetings. While these two responsibilities are usually separate, sometimes a mother expects or needs your individual attention at a Series Meeting. Your private help and calming information and encouragement can make a huge difference to a mother in pain, in conflict, or in doubt. Here are some options to help cope with this challenging situation.

Before a meeting:

Make it clear to mothers that Series Meetings are flexible, guided discussions and not private helping sessions. Explain this during phone calls and other pre-meeting encounters or print a statement to this effect in the Group newsletter.

Remind mothers that Leaders are available by phone between meetings. A mother may then realize that a Series Meeting won’t be her only chance to talk to you.

Discuss with your co-Leader/s the possibility of your (or her) leaving the discussion to give one-to-one help. Leaders can have a loose plan in place for how to operate the meeting in such a situation.

For some Leaders, the spontaneous action of taking over from the Leader who planned the meeting may not pose a problem. Other Leaders, however, may want to discuss your planned topic approach beforehand and/or have an outline to follow.

Have in mind some alternative locations for individual help. If the Group meets in a private home, you might choose a bedroom. (Inform the hostess of this possible requirement ahead of time.) In a public place, perhaps a side room, other meeting room, or end of a hallway would work. You might tour the facility (or private home) with your co-Leader/s (or hostess) to assess appropriate locations.

During the meeting:

A Leader can offer after-meeting time for personal help. The Leader could say privately to the mother who appears to need special help, “I see you may need some extra help tonight. I’d be happy to talk to you after the meeting.”

A Leader may want to delay the start of the discussion to give a mother some private interaction. Leading Series Meetings is restricted to Leaders, but an LLL member or Leader Applicant could start without you be making some announcements, introducing the Group Library, etc. It is important to respect the mothers who have come for the group discussion, however, so a Leader should keep her personal helping time in this situation to a minimum.

Shortening the meeting may also feel comfortable to a Leader in this situation.

Announce to your co-Leader and/or the rest of the Group that you will need to leave the meeting for a little while to have a private conversation. Sometimes no one else will have noticed the situation to which you are reacting. Once you return to the discussion, however, details of that conversation, or of the need for it, are of course kept confidential.

After the meeting:

Linger after the discussion, making yourself available for extra help and questions.

Call a mother who may have been too shy or left early if you think she may benefit from some personal attention. If the mother does not ask about the challenge you were noticing, you might mail her some information that generally addresses her situation. However, it is up to her to ask for help.

If “meeting the needs of the mothers (particularly the newcomers) is her top priority” (LEADER’S HANDBOOK), it can be difficult for a Leader to justify meeting the needs of just one mother at a Series Meeting. Planning to meet the challenges of this situation will help you feel prepared for being your most effective as a Series Meeting facilitator.