Originally published in The Nome Nugget, Summer 1995
It’s catalogue time in Nome. I carry an empty plastic bag when I go down to our post office this time of year because everyday I find in my box a great paper jellyroll of slick enticements to buy. Today I found ordering information for kids’ toys, wildlife books, museum art, guns and knives, Irish knick-knacks, and computer software. Every day I carefully slide them all out of my box and drop them into my plastic bag. The holiday shopping season is again slouching its way towards Nome via the U.S. Postal Service.
I think Nomeites must get more catalogues than other Americans. We’ve gotta be on some special mailing list that says, “99762: these people need extra help with their holiday spending.” So why don’t I just dump these catalogues into the trash can and not bother taking them home? Catalogues fuel the fantasies. And nowhere is that more evident than in the two hunting catalogues that arrived recently.
L.L. Bean’s Hunting catalogue displays clothing and gadgets for outdoorsmen. I especially liked the “Predator” printed fabric stuff. You can get versions of it in fall gray, fall brown, spring green, or winter white. They had pictures of guys wearing the two kinds of the fabric in a forest, somewhere probably pretty far from Alaska. You had to squint pretty hard to pick out the humans so I’m guessing guys wearing “Predator” prints shoot each other pretty regularly.
Alaska doesn’t require hunters to wear Hunter’s Orange but you’d be pretty noticeable around here even if you wore clothes with the Predator patterns since Nome doesn’t have any trees. A guy wearing stuff with olive-colored blotches and black tree limb silhouettes would chase away every moose, bear, and sandhill crane for sure.
Victoria’s Secret is the other hunting catalogue that came. Shadow, suggestion, and satin fabrics in its pages entice holders of Bank of Alaska checking accounts. Victoria’s Secret doesn’t offer Hunter’s Orange or Predator prints, though. This stuff is strictly indoor wear. It’s more in the cut of the cloth that the huntress makes herself obvious. They send their stuff in a plain white package with “VS” discreetly imprinted in a corner.
Bean’s hunting clothes come in a oversized brown bag with the tall green letters “L. L. Bean” printed boldly on the label. If I were the Bean shippers, I’d also add a large red sticker that says, “Here is your hunting stuff, you manly thing, you!” No need to be discreet when your Maine Guide Reversible Northshore Gore-Tex Pullover and Bib Overalls arrive, is there? Both catalogues seem to appeal to some basic, ancient texts of human behavior. Good hunting to us all.
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